This will be my daughter's first Christmas and I'm so excited. This has been a really rough year and as I mention many times to any who actually listen, she has been my bright star throughout this turbulent time. Yea, it's a cliche, but it's true. Eleven months old and she's is the best thing to ever happen to me.
What am I getting my daughter this year? Her first Christmas present from her mommy?
I have no idea.
I know that she's getting lots of "stuff" from her grandparents and aunties, but both of her parents are broke as hell. I mean...broke as hell. Checking that list once, twice...three times won't help my budget. I'm glad she's so young because it would break my heart for my daughter to ask for something I can't give her. That's life though...I didn't get everything I wanted as a kid, but I wanted to do better than my parents did for me. However, we had great Christmases growing up...I want the same for my daughter. That's why it was so important to me to put up a Christmas tree. My first as an adult. My baby's first in this lifetime.
Our tree is beautiful. It belonged to my mom (she had about three...Mama LOOOVED Christmas lol) and I even used some of her decorations on the tree and to decorate my front door. She had so many decorations saved up from purchases over the years, I'd bet I could have done my entire tree with just her stuff...and I had plenty of decorations left in the bag that I did get from her house.
My baby woke up from her evening nap as I was decorating the tree. I lit it up and brought her into the living room to see it. She cracked up in glee. That made me feel so good...It made her happy and she seems to love it. Whenever I bring her near the tree she does the same little chuckles and just stares at it. I can't wait to tell her what Christmas means. That way when she feels that warm feeling and chuckles with absolute glee at all the lights and decorations, she will know what it all means and why everyone feels that same lovely spirit.
Perhaps that's the "gift" I can give her for Christmas. I can start her memories of happiness and love at Christmas time...and teach her how to keep it throughout the year. Mommy needs help with that...so, it will be a great way to teach her as I learn myself.
Yea. A little cheesy, but that's how I roll. :)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Sistah Know: The Challenge
Came across the following quote:
When things don’t go your way, when things go “wrong”, and especially if you do not seem to currently have enough money, do not attach a story or sense of self worth to your circumstances. ( on December 5, 2010)
My circumstances at this time suck and I feel so down about myself because of it. The hardest thing I've had to do in a while is take this quote to heart. I've always felt I had "potential". Yet, it's not realized at this moment in my mind. I know my circumstances could be worse, but I want them better before it hits even lower. I will not allow what I see around me reflect my worth on the inside. I've worked very hard in order to set up a foundation to make my life NOT suck. So, now it's up to me to make sure I put these elements to work for me.
When I look back on this time in my life, I will marvel at the love I have for my daughter because that's the main thing keeping me going. She makes me want to do better, so I will. It's just going to take some time and though I've always been a patient person...my current circumstances is testing me. For real. Testing me BIG TIME. I want things to be right for me and my family NOW. I want out of this apartment NOW. I want a GREAT job NOOOOWWW!
...However, after having opened and filed away my third rejection letter THIS WEEK from the numerous jobs I've applied to recently, I'm not going to get what I want right this minute. According to my file, I've applied to 100 jobs. 100 JOBS! I'm talking everything from cashier to bank executive. Nothing has panned out. I'm scared and frustrated, but I have to hold on to my faith that something will work out for our best interest (my daughter and myself).
That mantra I've quoted above is one I need. I must live it and take it to heart because right about now I'm frustrated and scared about my future. I earned my MBA back in 2008 and ten years earlier earned an undergraduate degree from one of the top schools in the nation; however, I sit in my living room on the computer planning out my "pavement pounding" for the week.
My daughter is my inspiration. She looks at me as though I can do no wrong. I'm not going to let her down.
When things don’t go your way, when things go “wrong”, and especially if you do not seem to currently have enough money, do not attach a story or sense of self worth to your circumstances. ( on December 5, 2010)
My circumstances at this time suck and I feel so down about myself because of it. The hardest thing I've had to do in a while is take this quote to heart. I've always felt I had "potential". Yet, it's not realized at this moment in my mind. I know my circumstances could be worse, but I want them better before it hits even lower. I will not allow what I see around me reflect my worth on the inside. I've worked very hard in order to set up a foundation to make my life NOT suck. So, now it's up to me to make sure I put these elements to work for me.
When I look back on this time in my life, I will marvel at the love I have for my daughter because that's the main thing keeping me going. She makes me want to do better, so I will. It's just going to take some time and though I've always been a patient person...my current circumstances is testing me. For real. Testing me BIG TIME. I want things to be right for me and my family NOW. I want out of this apartment NOW. I want a GREAT job NOOOOWWW!
...However, after having opened and filed away my third rejection letter THIS WEEK from the numerous jobs I've applied to recently, I'm not going to get what I want right this minute. According to my file, I've applied to 100 jobs. 100 JOBS! I'm talking everything from cashier to bank executive. Nothing has panned out. I'm scared and frustrated, but I have to hold on to my faith that something will work out for our best interest (my daughter and myself).
That mantra I've quoted above is one I need. I must live it and take it to heart because right about now I'm frustrated and scared about my future. I earned my MBA back in 2008 and ten years earlier earned an undergraduate degree from one of the top schools in the nation; however, I sit in my living room on the computer planning out my "pavement pounding" for the week.
My daughter is my inspiration. She looks at me as though I can do no wrong. I'm not going to let her down.
Mama Know: Baby Wearing
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